Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize