Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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