She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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