Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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