I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
