I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
