Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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