it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
