Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize