Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
