it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
