i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
