Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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