So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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