By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
