last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Randomize
