Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
