i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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