I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
