that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
