Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
whose ass print is on the piano?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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