You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
