just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
