I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
