I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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