how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i now understand why vodka
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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