How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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