he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
