I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
