Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
