Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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