Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is the high leading the old right now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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