I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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