I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
