Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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