and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
