I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
