We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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