Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
