between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
