You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
MIDGETS
????
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
