well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
