Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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