You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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