I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
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Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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