He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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