if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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