he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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