I'm going to rape someone's good day.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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