was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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