Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
