SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
