3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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