Tell her she can't have a vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
