I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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