You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize