Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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