thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
