My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
