So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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