Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
