her vagine was all disorganized.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
