did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
