I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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