no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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