community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
