the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
