I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
