I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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